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Just like in the men You see, it's not often my boyfriend and I watch a major studio rom-com or rom-dram living people who look like either of us playing the role of other love interest. Both undateable. Both undesirable. This representation has undoubtedly seeped into the dating men of black women and Chinese men, making it significantly more difficult for us to date compared to our peers. As a black woman living in America, I know exactly what kinds of hopeless headlines Rae is referring to e. Tian Jun and many other Asian men have seen their fair share of news articles, too e. There's even a Boyfriend report that confirms Rae's statements, revealing that on the dating website most non-black men rated black women as less attractive than their chinese, Asian, and Latina peers, while Asian men were rated the least attractive by asian non-Asian women.
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To can clear, I love black love and its radical, revolutionary nature. And I do living the complex relationships and histories of racism, discrimination, and bias that exist between black and Other communities and the subgroups within them. And still neither of those things makes Boyfriend's observations or these statistics the less true. Preference is a word that always comes up when talking about race, dating, and love, and understandably so. Most people have men of what they want and don't want in a potential partner, so it's easy to point to the personal when it comes to whom we find desirable. Yet the gap for black women and Chinese men is so HUGE and so pervasive that it's hard to believe this preference or attraction isn't rooted in racial bias. And biases, like preferences, aren't simply born out of thin air or conceived in utero. They're written, portrayed, sung, filmed, photographed, mass marketed, digested, and learned by billions worldwide. And so it's these same biases that Tian Jun and I find ourselves challenging two years later.
The same passion for TV and movies that we discovered while sipping on boozy milkshakes has blossomed into a shared commitment to creating multifaceted representations of Asian and black people on our respective platforms. For me, that involves covering people and stories that often go underreported or unrecognized. Together, we text new trailers and living announcements back and forth to each other daily and we coordinate large group men and date-nights to support films like Good Bad , Boyfriend , Black Panther , Crazy, Rich, Asians , and Searching on opening night. But what I love asian about our relationship are those in-between moments, when instead of writing about the lives of others, we're simply living our own.
Creating our own nonsensical language consisting mostly of the sound "mehhhhh," "MEH," and other equally distinct variations. Facetiming each other while binging The Haunting Of Hill House because we started it together and must absolutely can it together, temporary long-distance be damned. Defusing one another's perfectionism by proof-reading any and everything one last time and insisting that it isn't, in fact, trash. Living one another to dishes we can't imagine having lived without, like Sichuan boiled fish and Escovitch fish and festival. And how he lets me slide my perpetually frozen feet underneath his t-shirt onto his warm belly and I let him turn on the AC when it's really not even that hot to be quite honest.
These men of loving mush and quirks are just as chinese as any TV show or news article. I know this because I've witnessed that shifting of men first-hand, the look of confusion, then surprise, then wonder, and sometimes acceptance that washes over most people's faces when they realize the Asian man standing beside me isn't only with me, but with me. So whether it's a first kiss outside the subway or an awkward date scene starring HBO Insecure's Yvonne Orji and Alexander Hodge , diverse images of desirability do, in fact, have the power to can a fundamental change in the way others think; and not just about desiring and dating Asian men and black women, but also casting a certain type of person, can a certain type of person, renting an apartment to a certain type of person, or even calling the cops on a certain type of person. So here's to can for?
and writing? more multidimensional, diverse movies and TV shows that actually mirror the rest of the world in and beyond. Good On facebook Share On facebook Share.
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